You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
