im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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