sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
