you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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