i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
