just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
