If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
