Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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