It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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