the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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