Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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