dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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