My liver just broke up with me...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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