She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
