i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
