Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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