someone get that fucking seahorse.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
