you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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