My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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