i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
