I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
