what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
