from now on my penis is your penis
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think people are normalizing furries
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
