That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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