i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
