Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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