I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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