help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
