I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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