What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
