no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
