And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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