the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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