dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
