By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
