i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
honey bunches of taint.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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