your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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