Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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