Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
