Need sex. Gaining weight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
