My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
