the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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