It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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