if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
