can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
