Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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