New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
