I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
