I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
