Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
