im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
