you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
