This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
