im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
