and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
