Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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