So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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