Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
