I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
