So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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