I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
