dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I cockslap morals
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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